Alive
by epiphanies
Summary: Buffy reflects. PG13 for swearing and such. Sorta weird but pretty cool, if you ask me! I like the ending.


Alive

P.O.D.

By Emma

  
  


Disclaimer: All belongs to POD, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and UPN, with all those smart, important folks. I own naught but the plot!

So I said I was happy in afterlife. So I told Spike that. So he was the only one I felt I could trust with the biggest secret I have.

So what?

So what that I'm walking towards his crypt at a really fast pace because I want to see him? So what if he's the only person I think I can really relate to?

I will not say it. I will not say what my heart's telling me to say. I've been through that before. I don't need the heartache so early in this new life. I don't need more tears to worsen this hell.

The problem is....he's the only thing that makes it better. He's the only one that understands, that I can spill my fears and everything to.

This is just too weird. First I hate him, then he gets a chip, we get engaged and unengaged, I hate him, he hates me, I hate him, he hates me, I hate him, he loves me, I like him (as a friend), I die, he loves me, I rise, he loves me.... I love him. NO! It's just wrong. The thing is, other than the fact that I was dead for four months, nothing has really changed. Other than the fact that when I think of friends I have the only thing that comes to my mind is Spike. He wouldn't have let Will do it. I'm not deaf, I heard what he said to Xander.

So what that I'm now pounding on his door?

Uh oh. Here he is....why didn't I just storm in like I always used to?

"You...knocked." he raised his eyebrows.

Of course I knocked! I respect you!

"Um....yeah. Look, Spike....I needed to talk to you."

  
  


Everyday is a new day 

I'm thankful for every breath I take

I won't take it for granted 

  
  


"Oh, ok." he said, and opened the door wider.

I stood still.

"Ok...there's this thing. And, well, it's...hard. So I'm just going to say it, ok?"

  
  


So I learn from my mistakes

It's beyond my control 

sometimes it's best to let go,

whatever happens in this lifetime

  
  


"I just....need to tell you that....."

"What?"

"I....thinkiminlovewityou."

He stared at me, awed.

"You what?" he said, a hopeful caution in his voice.

"I.... I think I'm in love with you." I breathed, staring at his amazed face.

"You....say it again."

"I already did."

"Please....I need to hear it again."

  
  
  
  


So I trust in love

You have given me peace of mind I,

I feel so alive

For the very first time 

I can't deny you 

I feel so alive I,

I feel so alive

  
  


I looked down at my shoes.

I'd said it.

And I'd say it again. And again.

"I'm in love with you."

His lip trembled, "No 'I think' this time?"

"No."

  
  
  
  


For the very first time 

And I think I can fly 

Sunshine upon my face

A new song for me to sing

Tell the world how I feel inside

  
  


"When did you....realize this, Buffy?"

I went red.

"As I....as I jumped. I....I saw you. Your face, telling me that you loved me, telling me that you'd let Glory kill you before you'd let her hurt us....telling me you'd protect Dawn."

"But I didn't."

"You did. And I haven't....but I want to....thank you."

  
  
  
  


Even though it might cost me everything 

Now that I know this will be all my control 

'cause I could never turn my back away

Now that I see you I can never look away I,

I feel so alive

For the very first time

I can't deny you

I feel so alive I,

I feel so alive 

  
  


He slowly moved towards me and gently traced my face with his finger, as though trying to see if I was really there.

"Spike... you're the only one that I can talk to now. You know that?"

He nodded. He knew. And he understood.

"I'm alive. And I'm healthy. And now..... I'm happy."

I leaned up towards him.

When my lips touched his, I felt an electrifying feeling. Like I was flying. Like I was in heaven again.

  
  
  
  


For the very first time 

And I think I can fly 

Now that I know you

I could never turn my back away 

And now that I see you

I could never look away 

And now that I know you

I could never turn my back away 

And now that I see you

I believe no matter what they say I,

I feel so alive

  
  


After we parted, we were sitting on a stone bench.

"You...you can't tell any of them. You can't tell Dawn, or Giles or any of them anything I've told you....since I came back."

He nodded.

"I know. Don't worry. They don't need to know."

I put my hand on his.

"Well...they do. They brought me back and everything....but they can't know. It would kill them."

"Yeah."

"Spike?"

"Yes, Buffy?"

"Do you ever feel the same way I do? Like...like you want to rest? Like...like the world is like a hell?"

He looked thoughtful, "Well, sometimes. There was a time that I was happy that the world was like that. I haven't for the past year, though. But right now? I don't feel anything like that at all."

I smiled, "Me neither."

For the very first time 

I can't deny you 

I feel so alive I,

I feel so alive

For the very first time

And I think I can fly I,

I feel so alive 

For the very first time

And I think I can fly I

  
  


I smiled as he placed his hand around my neck and leaned in for another sweet, soft kiss.

This was heaven on earth.

Finally.

  
  
  
  


I feel so alive 

For the very first time 

And I think I can fly 


End file.
